You know how most people have that best friend; you know the one they always hang out with, the one that they know they can trust, the one they've known since they were 6 or something like that?
Well...turns out I don't have one of those. At one point I thought I did, as I'd known this girl since i was about 4; but like quiet a few people I've known and know now she was just like the rest of them; a two faced backstabber (if to say the least...)
After what happened with her, I promised myself that I wouldn't be as close to someone like that again, as it always ends up badly (well at least for me it does anyway...)
Although I still think this a bit, I find myself looking at the school environment surrounding me and notice people with their best/closest friend; it's then I realise that everyone has SOMEONE; even the "outcasts" have someone outside the school community...everyone that is except me.
I hate to admit this...but I miss having a good friend like that. While I have a few friends at my school that I feel that I can sometimes talk to on a personal level...I honestly couldn't talk to them about anything at that moment that would be bothering me. It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that:
1) I know what they would say
2) They have been fortunate enough not to have gone through any rough times so they wouldn't be able to relate to the situation
3) They just wouldn't understand
the third reason is the most important to me, though they wouldn't admit it, they'd just act like they know how I'm feeling, when truthfully they don't.
I don't know, maybe I'll eventually find a friend like that, maybe I won't, or am I just pushing people away?
Maybe I'm not the one with the problem & it's just the combination of a-holes, plastic whores and fakes (with the occasional good person) surrounding me. Like one of my favourite bands ay in one of their songs
"All you can be is just you 'cos your real not the plastic type/But reality sets and your stuck in this plastic life"
What I love about that song (for anyone who knows it) is that it depicts my school life perfectly well, I can listen to it and it makes me feel better; at least they care...
And he's right, I am stuck in this plastic life, basically until I graduate...
Until then, i deal with it one step at a time...